5 Do's & Don'ts of Verbal Commands When Operating on Asperger Time at Breakfast

Do Say                                                                                Don't Say
It's time to eat breakfast.                                                    Are you ready to eat breakfast?
I need you to eat breakfast.                                                Eat your breakfast.
In 5 minutes, it will be time to eat your breakfast.            It's almost time to eat your breakfast.
Come to the table.  Sit down.  It's time to eat.                   Come eat your breakfast.
You have 5 minutes left to finish eating.                           Hurry up.

I have found that it is necessary to be very specific and concrete when issuing commands to my son.  What about you?  Do you have any other do's and don'ts to add to the list?  Do you have any funny mealtime stories?   
                                       

Reflections of 2011

As usual, when a year is coming to an end, I often reflect on the happenings of the year, good and bad. 

The great things: 

• We installed a fence in our backyard and a new roof, both at no costs to us.
• We reduced our debt by $16,050!  Despite home and auto repairs, we are still on track for getting out of debt.
• We continue to have the greatest family care for our son before and after school every day!
• We are physically healthy.
• I have a husband who is dedicated to his wife and child.  We celebrated 17 years of marriage this year!  (It's very common for parents of children with special needs to experience strain, oftentimes, leading to divorce.) 
• We found a church home with a youth pastor who adores our son!
• My son has two special education teachers who care for him and truly collaborate with us.
• We have a supportive family who appreciates the diversity he brings to all our lives. 
• I have lost 10 pounds and have healthier eating habits. (Thank you Lysa Terkeurst for writing the book, Made to Crave.)

The bad things:

• What bad things?

It's so easy to get caught up in the day-to-day minor frustrations.  It's good to step back and count your blessings.

What a Smack in the Wallet

That ever elusive emergency fund sure would have come in handy today.  What happens when the fuel cannister in your vehicle leaks?  You get a nice little smack in the wallet!!! 

Fortunately, we have a nice little refund coming our way because my husband and I were smart enough to shop around for new homeowner's insurance a few weeks prior.  Thank you Jesus!!  And, thank goodness for 90 days, no interest, Firestone credit cards.  The balance will be paid off before we receive the first statement in the mail.  Fortunately, my car repair will not derail our efforts to fight off that ugly beast (the beast of debt)!

Have you been smacked in the wallet lately?  Were you prepared?  Seriously, I really want to know.  Surely, I have company..... 

WARNING....Uncensored feelings below!

If you've read my profile, then you know I am a school social worker.  If you haven't, well, now you do.  Occasionally, I will seek professional opinions regarding my son from my co-workers.  Yesterday, I did exactly that. 

Lately, my son has been engaging in a peculiar behavior...hand-sniffing (his own hands, not other people's hands; thank you God).  I was finally able to capture the behavior on video.  I've been wondering if the behavior is a motor tic of sorts or a sensory-related behavior.  So, I sought the opinion of the school psychologist with whom I share an office. 

I showed him/her the video.  And, long story, short....I felt as though my concerns were marginalized.  He/she made me feel like this behavior probably bothers me more than anyone else.  Duh!!!!  Of course it bothers me more than it does anyone else.  Who else is going to look out for my son getting picked on for sniffing his hands at peculiar times and in peculiar situations???  What parent wouldn't want to curtail an odd behavior like that????

I genuinely hope that in my role as a school social worker, I have never caused a parent to feel marginalized.  Because, I truly do "get it," and I wouldn't wish those feelings on any parent. 

If you are parenting a child with special needs and have felt marginalized by school personnel, please feel free to meet me in the comments section and share your story.     

DeJa Vu

Last week, my son was reprimanded in PE class for his behavior while a substitute teacher was present.  His behavior was due to his difficulty with reading his peers social cues that say, "Okay. That's enough.  I've had enough playing around."  That message simply does not make it to my son's brain.

Yesterday, during recess (another low structure activity), he visited the principal and assistant principal because he ended up slapping a child in the face and knocking another child to the ground.  I cannot complain with the way his teachers and the administration handled the situation.  His teacher contacted me soon after it happened, then followed it up with a phone call to me.  She confirmed that my son did not do this in a malicious manner and that all the children were playing and that she simply could not get across the playground quickly enough to intervene at the moment when the children were giving him those, "I've had enough of this playing" signals.  My son was not suspended by any means.  His punishment is that he will not participate in recess for the remainder of the week. 

For the longest time, my son's peer interaction at recess was limited and more like parallel play because of his limited language skills.  Now that he has greater language skills, he wants to play with his peers.  Unfortunately, his social skills are lagging, A LOT!!!!  Here is my dilemma (And, I know I have company with other parents).  How do you teach your child appropriate play skills when your child is pretty much isolated outside of the school environment?  I know that he needs structured play opportunities.  Just as adaptive physical education is a related service for special education, I'm beginning to think there needs to be adaptive recess.  But, in the meantime, I'll introduce the idea of establishing a peer group (PTP--Peers Teaching Peers) for recess time.  My belief is that there must be some kind-hearted, Christian-minded peers and parents, who, if approached to be a peer model for appropriate play, would say yes. 

Blessing #2:  I am thankful that God blessed me with a husband who is my best friend and the most dedicated father I know.

Land of "The Funk"

If you're the parent of a child with special needs, you probably know "the funk" to which I am referring.  It's the one of questioning yourself.  Am I doing this all wrong?  Should I be doing more?  Should I be a stay-at-home mom instead of a working mother?  Should I leave this state and move to another?  Is there a better place to live?  The list of questions could go on and on....

Because I have a tendancy to ask myself these questions, I have Philippians 4:6 framed on my desk at work, " Don't worry about anything; instead, pray about everything. Tell God what you need, and thank him for all He has done." 

Well, at this moment in time, I need clarity because I'm not sure that I know what I need to get out of my funk.  The need for clarity leads me to Proverbs 2:3-6, "Yes, if you cry out for discernment, And lift up your voice for understanding, If you seek her as silver, And search for her as for hidden treasures; Then you will understand the fear of the Lord, And find the knowledge of God.  For the Lord gives wisdom."

The Land of the Funk is not new to me.  And, thankfully, I don't inhabit its dwelling for very long periods of time.  Two specific things I am committing myself to do to help leave this land are as follows:  For the next 30 days, I am going to begin my morning by naming one way in which I am blessed and I'm going to thank God for it.  Also, I'm beginning a 30-day bible study on wisdom and stewardship.  This bible study can be found at www.faithandfinance.org. 

Blessing #1:  I am thankful for the grandparents that God blessed me with, who demonstrated unconditional love during some tumultuous times during childhood.  This Christmas will be the second Christmas that my grandfather is spending with Jesus.  Thank you God for lending him to me.

High-functioning...It's All Relative

Most of my current and former colleagues, when they hear me talk about my son, consider him to be "high-functioning."  I am reaching a point that I dislike hearing this word.  Who decides what high-functioning means?  I've seen neurological reports that use the term.  I've heard teachers use the term to describe their students. 

My son will be 9-years-old within the month.  His handwriting, when his teachers and I are not recording answers for him, leaves a lot to be desired.  His reading skills are comparable to those of a 6-year-old.  His speech articulation often sounds like that of a 4-year-old.  Nearly any conversation he has with anyone centers around his interests.  It is not a reciprical conversation.  He has no friends.  By "friends," I mean, classmates with whom he interacts outside of school.  He can walk and run, yet he cannot ride a 2-wheeled bicycle independently.

So, how do I describe my child?  Easy answer...He is a child of God.  He is one of God's miracles.  I'll never forget the day that my husband and I were at the national adoption center in Ukraine.  We were shown two pictures of two boys to visit.  Why did we choose the little boy who as a 12-hour train-ride away, rather than the little boy who was within a 30-minute drive?  Simple.  It was God's plan. 

I will never forget the first time my eyes met his, the first time he ate a cheerio, the first time I saw him him smile....I will also NEVER forget the feelings I had when he was in the taxi with us on our way to the airport to head home, with him as our son.  It was a surreal moment.  I left the United States a wife, a daughter, and a sister.  I came back a mom.  God entrusted me to help our little boy reach his fullest potential.  What an enormous trust!  God's plan is unique for all of us, including my son.  None of us know (completely) God's will for our life.  So, I treasure and celebrate everything he learns, big and small, and I try to build upon it. 

So, describe my son, or other children who function similarly, however you wish.  I will continue describing him as God's special child!